I thirst for your touch and long for your smile
I yearn for the feel of your hand in mine.
Through winter night or summer day
You are the light to guide the way.
Into the darkness where foes assail
With strength and love we will prevail.
Srength of the eagle, soft as the dove
One heart, one soul, one life - one love

for Ellyana

I've spoken before of highs and lows, the good and the bad that besets us in our lives here in the lands. And any who may have looked upon these pages will know that a darkness had come over Ellyana. That darkness was partly the outcome of things remembered from her past, partly from something that seemed to take her in N'rolav.
The darkness seems to be fading for now, and a gleam of light, a small hope that she is over the worst is appearing. The princess says that much of that is my doing, but I don't know .... As I've told her many times, she has fire and steel enough in her to fight whatever it is that assails her soul. Maybe just reminding her of that has helped her.
That hope, the gleam of light I mentioned is as the gleam and glitter of the stars at night. And last night we stood under those stars in one of our favourite high places. We'd spoken of the past, and of the present, and of the future - and then the tone of our conversation changed. Hand in hand we stood there, the stars shining down on us, and to me at least it semed as another bonding, a re-affirmation of our love and our hopes for the future.
Ellyana, cariad, every day I give my love to you.

It's been a long time - or is it a short time? - since I've had the chance to pick up this journal. Time seems to have been oscillating in the strangest manner recently. The minutes and hours seem to last an eternity while the days fly by.
A week ago was a party hosted by the Hammers. It was a glitzy affair, Ellyana and all the other ladies had donned their best dresses for the event. There was an auction of the guild officers who then had to serve the winning bidder for the remainder of the evening. And there was a competition, which Ellyana won.
Such a bright, shining affair. But now the brightness of that memory is dimmed and slips away in the darkness that has overtaken the princess since that evening. It seems somehow in these lands that while the light and goodness and enjoyment increase slightly, there comes a reckoning and the dark, the evil, increases to a greater degree. It's as if the evil that surrounds us here follows each of us, continually searching out a weakness, something it can latch on to, and then it worries away at that weak point trying to break our hearts, our minds, our souls.
Ellyana had a horrific dream after the party, but I thought the next day it was more-or-less banished from her mind. We went to old Dundee so that I could train for a short time. I don't like to stay there long, as I know how much Ellyana hates the place. And there something took her over. I spotted her wounded and wandering, and though I called to her, telling her to heal herself, she either didn't hear or took no heed. I caught up with her in the ruined Inn, her blood spilling onto the ground, surrounded by rats. The princess says she remembers the scene as if she were a witness and that someone or something else was controlling her body. At any rate, it did not seem to be my Ellyana that sprawled spilling her life's blood on to the ground there, and certainly the hurtful things she said - one above all that I try to forget hearing - were words I didn't believe she was speaking to me. She ran off then, and eventually I caught up with her in the forest and managed to persuade her to return with me to the guild hall where we rested.
When I awoke, Ellyana had disappeared from the hall and, I quickly discovered, was back in old Dundee - the place she hates above all others. Why she'd gone back there I was at a loss to understand, and once more I had to help her away from the place.
There's something about old Dundee, or something actually there. that at one and the same time repels and fascinates Ellyana. It's weighed heavily on her mind the last few days, forcing her down into the darkest corners of her own mind. I've been trying to help her as much as I can, talking to her, joking with her, sounding (I hope) as if I know what is best for her. But I've been feeling at my wit's end wondering just what we can do.
And so the hours and the minutes and the days have passed at their own peculiar rate. I've not really rested as I've watched over her, but that is no more than anyone would do for a friend in distress. I've slept for short times yes, but that sleep has been disturbed by visions of her leaving again, going back to that awful place ....
Two days ago Ellyana fell into a deep sleep. When she awoke not the following day but the day after that, she said it had been as if her mind was bursting with everything going on and it had just shut off for a while. She seemed somewhat better for that long period of nothingness, and I've made sure she stayed out of old Dundee. But I worry even so that she may slip away back there again.
So I sit here watching over my princess as I've done so much recently, brooding over what to do - something else I've been doing a lot over these past days. She needs my help, that I know. I just pray that I can find a way ...

Looks like it's time to get the glad rags out of mothballs! The Hammers of Trinald are hosting a function tomorrow night, their Winterfest auction. Ellyana is determined that we will attend, and has spent a lot of time making a new dress for the occasion. I hope that somewhere amongst the discarded armour and weapons I can find something suitable to wear.
It's been a joy to see the princess slowly becoming more cheerful, more her proper self, over the last few days. Though I know that what haunts her cannot be finished until we visit her old home, she's managed to put most of the dark thoughts behind her. I can only hope that I've been able to play some small part.
Speaking of events - some time ago the OSW launched one of their legend contests. I set pen to parchment and produced something I thought worth entering. It seems that there must be some who enjoy what I write, as I've just discovered I achieved third place. I've not had an opportunity as yet to look at all the entries - until I do so I'll fondly imagine that there were more than three! I must say I felt a certain measure of pride when I saw that first and second places had been awarded respectively to Skyelark and Azure. To be though of as approaching in some measure the skill of those two accomplished tale-tellers is gratifying indeed.
Ah well, I should get back to searching out some attire for tomorrow's affair. Hope to see many of you at the event.

I mentioned here yesterday that often it is all too easy to overlook the simple pleasures of life. Sometimes we have the chance to achieve some aim that has nothing to do with training or levelling, nothing at all in fact to do with the lands which we walk.
Ellyana has been unwell for some time. I know her past preys on her mind, and I know she detests having to enter N'rolav. Something about the place stirs up old fears and memories. She's been retreating into herself, cutting herself off from all but a few friends. I do what I can for her, but eventually we will have to take a journey to her old home. She needs to see for herself that the place stands no more, and I've promised that if the place does still stand, then I'll burn it to the ground myself. Seeing the place destroyed will, she feels, finally set her free.
The other evening we took a picnic on the beach, We sat near the old lighthouse. Many times in the past Ellyana has dived into the sea there, down into the depths, struggling to reach the bottom of the shelf, but has never been successful. This time, I took her hand, and told her we would make the attempt together.
Down we plunged, our lungs bursting for breath. Almost at the point where we would have had to give up, the bottom of the shelf appeared before our eyes. We stretched out our hands and managed to touch the ground beneath the waters, then we hed to make a break for the surface. It seemed to take forever, striking out toward the dim light we could just make out where the moon shone on the waters. At last we broke the surface, and simply floated for a while catching our breath, passing back and forth a small sea-shell one of us had managed to grab from the floor of the sea.
This achievement had, as I said before, nothing to do with our training, was in no way connected with our life and continual battle in these lands. But it did, I hope, help the princess see that there can be achievements, we can reach a target, that there is always hope.

Yesterday was another good day. The princess and I travelled to the temple with Gypsy, where I welcomed her to the ranks of the rogues of Valorn. She has a bright future ahead of her, I'm sure, and it will be my pleasure to see how my sponsee grows and develops in the guild and in the lands.

It's been a while since I've been able to write here. I took a wound to the head a few days ago, and since then I've had to rest more than usual as it heals, though that rest has not always been peaceful. But more of that later ...

Ellyana and I went to a party hosted by the Order of Sword and Stylus. It was a pleasant evening, a chance to meet with friends old and new. There's a frozen lake at their guildhall, and they provided runners which attach to your shoes, for those who wished to glide across the ice. After much persuasion, Ellyana ventured onto the ice while I guided her. It was a joy to see the smile on her face as she learned something new - too often in these lands we forget to take the time for the simple pleasures of life.
We left the party, and were walking along, chatting and laughing, when I realised something was amiss and that somehow we had taken the wrong path. We'd somehow wandered into the rainforest.
I called to Ellyana to wait while I put on my armour and drew my blades, but the sound of rain and running water must have carried my voice away from her, for in a moment she had disappeared from view. I hurried after her ... and then the trap was sprung.
Every step I took left me face-to-face with an enemy. The nutrias tried to hold me back as I called again and again to Ellyana, begging her to retrace her steps back to me, but to no avail. I fought my way through, following her footsteps, and then I found my princess. She'd wandered onto the mud flats, trying to find her way out of the forest and fallen into a pit. I've never seen so many evil creatures in one place before anywhere in the lands. I counted eight giant nutrias and thirteen mud demons still standing, and that figure does not include the ones that Ellyana had already killed.
As I tried to get to her side, Ellyana struck again and again at the creatures. To my horror, I saw a nutria catch her a glancing blow, and she went down, slipping into a sea of mud, her weapon spinning away from her grasp. I knew there was very little time. I had to reach my love's side, separated as we were by that army of dark creatures. I raised my blades and launched myself at them.

I can't really say how long it took. My blades rose and fell countless times, cutting at the creatures. My head was pounding, the muscles of my back and shoulders felt as if they were on fire, and it seemed that the rain had sucked all the goodness from the air in that foul place as I struggled for the breath I needed to keep on. It seemed as though whatever makes Pallas the individual he is was washed away as I struck out over and over, with one thought in my mind.
Kill them! Kill them all!
Eventually it was over. I sank to my knees, surveying the mud now covered with the remains of those foul creatures, looking for Ellyana. I saw her then, lying in the mud, seemingly in danger of drowning in the goo that covers every surface of that awful spot.
I remember - just - crawling to her as the rage in me subsided, though it seemed to be simmering just below the surface of my soul ready to blaze again should I find the princess harmed.
I remember - hazily - fumbling for a waterbottle and puring the contents over her face to wash away the mud that clogged her eyes, her nose, her mouth as she struggled to see or even breathe.
I remember - though not clearly - we sat there for who knows how long, trying to recover some strength.
I remember - vaguely - wiping away what I had thought was mud that flowed into my eyes, and discovering that it was blood from a wound I'd taken.
I don't really remember getting away from the mud flats or the rain forest. We must have crawled, or walked leaning on each other for support for I don't think I could have carried Ellyana. Exhausted as she was, struggling for breath, somehow she found the strength to stop me bleeding. We gasped and struggled our way through the mountains as I tried to think of the best way to go. Caernivale - that was it! We might be able to stop at the river, for I had no water left. But when we got to the river it was clear that neither of us was in a fit state to crawl down the steep banks, never mind crawling back up to the path! So we slowly made our way to the town, and managed to take the steps up to the Inn.
Time and again I refilled my waterbottle as Ellyana tried to rinse the mud from her mouth, to clean some of it from her face.
And then we slept for a long time, collapsed in a couple of chairs, still dripping mud no doubt to the extreme annoyance of the innkeeper. And I have rested long since that time, while the wound heals and strength returns. Ellyana too has taken some time to recover from her ordeal.

As I said, my rest has not all been peaceful. Sometimes in my dreams I am back in that place, and I see myself become some sort of killing machine, striking out at anything that moved. And the thought comes to me - what if Ellyana had struggled to reach my side? What could have happened as I caught sight of her moving toward me? The possible outcome is too terrible to consider. I've always been ready to fight my enemies. But never before has this killing frenzy taken me over in that way. I've always remained in control until that time.
Maybe it was the sheer numbers that stood between me and my love caused some deeper, more primaeval character to emerge from the depths of my mind and soul, to take me over and turn me into the ... person ... who saved us that day. For it wasn't me.
Ellyana says that I saved her and myself from those creatures. But I fear it was some other, darker beast within me, a mindless killer. And I pray to the gods that the beast, once unleashed, can be banished once more.